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CKLB Potluck

yellowknife

my first picture, right off the plane.

 northern sky

 my pretty new colourful town.

 house boats

 new friends

 the view from the CKLB control room

 long walk in the greens

 i want to live in a house like this!

 this is the view from across the lake... CKLB, two canoes and a plane!

 more CKLB

the circle of life.

I was cruising with the lady late one night when we spotted an injured bird in the middle of a residential road.  I went out to help the little tweet and as I looked into the distance, I spotted four sets of red eyes on me and their prey.  Hungry wild felines.  I tried to scoop the bird up into a blanket but it kept hopping away from me.  So I followed it up the street and just as I had my hands around his quivering torso, a black cat snuck up on us and devoured him whole; right out from my hands.  I instantly started crying.

weird

i'm off to the gym

Everything is changing and I’m standing in real-time watching the world around me explode in slow motion.  Anecdotal particles of my life are but debris and in four weeks I will be entering into unknown land.  New terrain.  A turf that isn’t mine and, as an arrogant Torontonian, I am finally humbled.   I’m not qualified for what I am about to do, but I was once told that if you keep doing what you’re doing, you will keep getting what you’re getting.  So I’m doing something new, something so incredibly new and foreign and unheard of, and with every bit of positive energy in me I am nothing short of elated.

I told you that I would run away to foreign lands.  I promised myself that I would make it all worthwhile.

I fear nothing and I welcome all set backs gracefully – I leave in month with the opportunity to show up as the best me ever.  

2007

Remember that time you ran away? You dissapeared to Nicole's house for a bit, then realized, may be, that that wasn't where you belonged. So you crept back into our house through the window, and peacefully went to sleep on the couch which soon became my haven – in the basement which soon became my dungeon. Happily dozing off to the sound of our mother crying to the police about your whereabouts. I hope that, one day, you come back to me like you did on that dark, lovely night.

trust

"Je n’aime pas quand les gens confondent « négativité » et méfiance car même si ces deux la peuvent se rejoindre si il y a trop de méfiance (par cause de peur, lacheté, peu de foi, de confiance en soi)  une confiance les yeux bandés pour moi est un synonyme de naïveté.Alors  faire confiance jusqu'à preuve de déception est ma question…Est-ce que faire une confiance aveugle est preuve de bonne volonté et ouverture sur autrui, ou naïveté banale ? Je me demande parfois si « être fleur bleue » comme on dit  facilite les relations humaines ou les rend fausses et plus platonique…

Les phrases les plus communes de mes parents pendant  mon adolescence ont été « ne me déçois pas !ou tu n’iras pas a tel endroit car tu vas me décevoir encore !»  Avec un regard qui dit  je ne te fais pas confiance, alors que leur  présence a été très faible dans ma vie. La peur de ne pas décevoir m’a souvent poussé a agir a l’opposé de ce qui était attendu de moi, peut être par rébellion, c’est comme si on me donnait une pile d’assiettes fragiles en me poussant et que je devais faire en sorte de n’en casser aucunes, alors que ces personnes ne sont pas acrobates eux-mêmes. Pour moi, croire en soi, en autrui et ne pas avoir peur de leurs erreurs est le premier pas de la confiance."

-P2 S.L.

stricken.

this song loops over and over forever and ever my love.





mmmmm

i'm just like you

I don’t want to change. I still think that my tortured soul is endearing and that my childhood traumas make for great idiosyncrasies.

The Lucky Ones

Last night I left work shortly after 7:30. I had a bad day and wanted a friend around for a quick drink. So I called a few buddies to see what’s what. They were all busy or tired, as most people are on a Tuesday night, but I would have settled for just about any friend at that moment. And before I could finish that thought, a familiar face came staggering towards me. He had his arms open for a hug and a big smile plastered on his face. I gave him a hug and chuckled. I had no idea who he was, but I smiled and thanked the universe.

He was high on something other than ganja. Something more potent, numbing and depressing. We sat and talked while I sipped a Caesar I had been thinking about for the past 3 hours. At 35 he stopped teaching to become a washed up actor. He now works in a kitchen on the Danforth and lives with his mom in Scarborough. It was nearly 8pm and he was still out from the night before. I stopped him from going over to last nights John to ask for money in exchange for a quickie. So he leaned over and asked me to buy him a drink and lend him a smoke and some bus fare.

That's it. Not that interesting, huh.

toilet etiquette

Today I walked into the single-person women’s bathroom to rinse out my mason jar immediately after another young lady had used it.  I learned a lot about said lady based on the pungent odor that instantly shooed me out of the stall. I know things about her that I don’t need to know. 

I actively endorse the use of air freshener, incense or even matches after each and every bowl movement.

don't look down

It affects every single realm of my life.  Every moment of my day.  What I wear, where I go, how I walk, how I perform… this feeling follows me everywhere.

death

Sue's sister just died on Glee.  I usually get this really awkward feeling whenever someone dramatically dies on TV.  I take that time as my cue to go pee or powder up.  All of that emotion makes me uncomfortable... an inability to connect with it all makes me queasy.

but lately, whenever i even think of death, i think of the loss i would feel if M.S. ever died - and I can literally feel my heart break, and my throat swell, and my eyes burn, and my entire body heat up.  I can see myself not wanting to continue on.

Anyways whatever.

Love is really intense.

Fun fact: did you know Icarus was actually trying to touch the sun's tits when his wings melted off? It's true. Don't bother looking it up, but that's exactly what happened. He was hoping to tear off a nipple to use as a flame-shield.


i love geekologie

http://blip.fm/Kninja

one day i will be independent and autonomous. one day i will have so much power. I will treat every soul, every human being, every creation equally... like they were each little pieces of myself.

and i will be a hippy that loves everyone.

until then, this is what i can offer you.


that is all. carry on my critters. carry on.